


As the world caves in

by llassata



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Hurt + Comfort, Im not good at tagging, M/M, Neil is a good boyfriend, Past Rape/Non-con, andrew's pov, healing andrew, healing andrew is so good, past mentions of drake, this is my first fic :0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25794184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llassata/pseuds/llassata
Summary: andrew realizes he's not alone and that he is healing, that he has come a long way, that neil is safe <3
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	As the world caves in

Andrew has come a long way from easthaven. He was in his fifth year at palmetto and he had fulfilled most of his promises. Kevin didn't need his protection, and Aaron had Katelyn. They all had started their own lives outside of Andrew. But Andrew still had Neil.

With Neil he is finally letting casual touches happen. He doesn't wake up when he feels the red head shift in the bed anymore. His intrusive thoughts are less now. But there are still nights where Andrew lies awake. His eyes staring up at the top of the bunk, as he listens to the soft snores of Neil and Kevin. Tonight was one of those nights, he tries to tell himself to put on headphones, to drown out the noise, those cruel thoughts. But he can't get up.

He feels the hands of his past roam all over his body. Touching him in ways he is uncomfortable with. He's paralyzed in the bed. He can't protect himself and that makes him angry. He had come so far yet he is still frozen to the bed. It feels like he's being pressed down, his wrists begin to itch and he swears he can hear the voice that held him down for so many years. _**AJ**. **AJ**. Come on, **AJ**. What's wrong **AJ**._ It's too much for Andrew, hazel eyes squeeze tight, he swears he's back in his room at Cass Spears house. 

He remembers Cass Spear. Remembers needing her love, needing her approval. Opening himself up to a fake fantasy he could never have. Because that's all Cass was. She was a reminder of how toxic the word family was, the price he paid for needing. So he swore he would never need again. But those hands still held him down to the bed, made him say please. And he vowed to never let those words fall from his lips. Never let anyone say those words to him. He blacked the word out in his diction.

Neil shifts beside him and Andrew's forces his eyes to open. Neil’s resting face is looking at him and this was the actual reminder that he needed. That Drake could no longer play with him, that Aaron killed him, just as Andrew killed Tilda. That maybe Andrew could open up again and not be taken advantage of. That the people in the world weren't all cruel. That if Neil could survive so could he. That the boy sleeping next to him still wanted him, had found a home in Andrew. He closes his eyes again, but this time, the room doesn't shift. He can still hear Neils breathing and he can move. He sits up and swings his legs against the edge of the bed, letting the tip of his feet rest against the rough texture of the worn out rug that was draped on their floor, after a stiff moment of pause, he allowed the bottom of his feet to settle on the flooring, his ankles groaning in protest as he pushed himself up to stand. 

He feels cheap despite knowing he's okay. That in this room, no one will touch him without asking, yet he still feels those hands. He still hears those whispers. His eyes focus on the digital clock on Kevin’s desk, the green neon blurs but is quick to focus as it reads 3:46 am. No one would wake up for another 2 hours.

Andrew thinks about going to the roof and having a smoke, wanting to feel the burn of the cigarettes and the adrenaline of fear. But he knows that it wouldn't replace that sleazy feeling, so he gets up and walks to the bathroom in the dorm. 

Turning the shower is automatic for him as he strips himself, allowing his clothes to hit the floor. Andrew moves into the shower without waiting for the water to get hot. The cold sensation bites at his skin but it gets warmer and warmer. He washes his body, lets blonde hair fall into his face, as he reaches out to twist the knobs to heat the shower. It stings for a moment before everything becomes unfeeling. And so he continues like that, letting his body hurt, readjust, and numb. He gets to a point where he can't make the shower any hotter. 

He knows how those he cares about would tell him how unhealthy that was, but being able to be numb was good. He couldn't feel those lingering hands anymore. Andrew knew he would be alright. 

15 minutes pass before he decides to turn off the water. He dresses himself back in his clothes and walks into the kitchen. He wasn't surprised to see Neil already awake and waiting for him at the table. Neil has two cups out, one being a black coffee —that no matter how hard he tried, Andrew just couldn't understand how Neil could like the bitter taste— and the other being a hot chocolate with marshmallows. Andrew pauses for a moment, contemplating what he wants to do, before he is moving to sit across the other without saying a word. Taking the drink, he pressed it to his lips. Letting the hot chocolate burn his throat just as the shower burned his skin. 

He doesn't know if he could talk even if he wanted to, but Neil knows that. Neil raises an eyebrow in silent question. He wasn't asking if Andrew was okay. That would be stupid, the red head knew he wasn't. He was asking if he needed Neil to leave. 

Andrew shook his head and so Neil steadied back into his seat. Andrew spends his time looking at Neil. But it was Abram looking back at him, not Neil, not Nathaniel, Abram. And Andrew had never hated the truth more than he did in these moments, the care Abram held for him, the readiness to stay. He wonders since when Abram had finally stopped running, was it at the airport? Or did he do it by himself? Did he really not need Andrew? Did he really just want him?

' What happened? ' Neil’s voice rang in his ears, and it took Andrew a minute to realize he was speaking to him. His voice was still lost, stuck in his throat and he just stared at him. It was all he was capable of doing, his eyebrows furrowed with stubborness. How could he even begin to find the words to tell him what happened. 

Abram didn't care if Andrew spoke or not, those ice blue eyes studied hazel and Andrew knew just how transparent he was being. This was something he would never let happen his sophomore year when the two had first met. But he was healing, Bee's voice had told him. Even if it was just letting one person in, seeing him as he actually is. It didn't matter how small the improvement was, it was still a milestone for him. 

Neil stood up and he walked over to Andrew, keeping a clear distance between them, not wanting to seem as if he wanted to intimidate the blonde. 

' Yes or No? ' Those words were an anchor, it was what separated Neil from the rest of the world, he would never tip toe his boundaries, especially on nights like these. 

Andrew is back to contemplating, thinking if he would be able to let Neil touch him. He sets his mug down, bones cracking as he stands up from his hunched position on the seat. Every part of him screams no, that he couldn't do this. Couldn't let Neil be an afterthought of Drake. But he nods his head for a yes. 

Neil doesn't move. He doesn't even breathe. His body stills and Andrew knows what's going on in his head. It was one of the first boundaries they had set up, neither of them would take a yes unless it was verbal. That way they knew that it was always a 100% and nothing less. 

' Yes. ' His voice is rough coming out of his mouth, as if he hadn't talked in months, but it was his voice nonetheless and that was what Neil needed to boot up again.

Scarred hands grab steady yet shaky ones. He keeps his gaze on Andrew's face as he lets his thumb make circles softly on the front of his hand. Andrew is taken back by the softness of it all, the comfort of it all and he wants to pull away his hands, but he doesn't. He just lets that bored gaze try to take Neil apart, waiting for him to react, to squirm and to be the first one to let go. But Neil never does. He would never be scared of Andrew in the way that made him run. That is when it had finally clicked into Andrew's head. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place.

Neil was never going to run from Andrew, the moment he gave Neil those keys was the moment he had met Abram. Neil was standing here to let Andrew know that things were different now. A mirrored message, if Neil survived then so did Andrew. If Neil breathed air then so could Andrew. And so Andrew sucked in a breath, and as he exhaled he knew that he would be okay. Standing here and staring at those blue eyes would be safe and would be ok. He knew that he wouldn't ever be the same as everyone else, but he didn't need to be, he could just be him and that was enough to keep Neil by his side. And maybe the idea of healing with Neil wasn't such a bad idea. 

And Andrew stayed there until he didn't. Until he and Neil were on the couch, curled next to one another, hands still laced as they let the television become white noise. He let himself fall asleep on Neils shoulder, he gave Neil his trust and he knew Neil would not crush it. He knew Neil would not let anyone talk about it. And if they skipped practice the next day just so Andrew could sleep, no one commented on it.

**This** was healing. **This** was okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> !! this is my first fic i'm posting, im a lil nervous but im a sucker for andrew being able to heal especially with neil. i hope you guys enjoyed it !!!  
> my brain is going brrrr, im so sorry if this seemed ooc at all.


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